An Appropriate Kafkaesque Appointment…
False Teeth, etc.
In March 2024, Noem shared a video in which she identified herself as the South Dakota governor and promoted a cosmetic dentist business that she said helped her after she lost her front teeth in a biking accident years before: "I love my new family at Smile Texas!". Noem has since become one of the most prominent examples of so-called "Mar-a-Lago face", a cosmetic surgery trend among conservative women. - Wikipedia
There is a very specific look associated with women who subscribe to the Trump worldview, one that is sort of a cross between a Fox newscaster and Miss Universe. It generally involves flowing tresses that are at least shoulder length, false eyelashes, plumped-up cheeks and lips, high heels and a sheath dress. The effect underscores an almost cartoonish femininity that speaks to a relatively old-fashioned gender stereotype; the counterpart to this woman is the square-jawed, besuited guy with a side part.
Simply consider the women of the Trump family, who embody the standard: Melania, Ivanka, Lara and Tiffany, as well as Don Jr.’s new girlfriend, Bettina Anderson, and his former fiancée, Kimberly Guilfoyle. Also Kristi Noem, the homeland security secretary, and the former Trump defense lawyer Alina Habba. - Can I Wear a Sheath Dress Without Looking Like a MAGA Woman? - The New York Times
Conflict with Native American Tribes
In 2024, it was reported that all nine tribes of South Dakota banned Noem from entering any tribal lands, prohibiting her from entering almost 20% of South Dakota. The Oglala Sioux banned Noem in February, followed by the Cheyenne River Sioux, the Standing Rock Sioux, and the Rosebud Sioux in April, and the Sisseton Wahpeton Oyate, the Crow Creek Sioux, and the Flandreau Santee Sioux in May.
The tribes took action after demanding that Noem apologize for her comments about them. In January 2024, Noem said that an "invasion is coming over the southern border" of the United States, and the "enemy is the Mexican drug cartels", which are "perpetrating violence in each of our states, even here in South Dakota ... The cartels are using our reservations to facilitate the spread of drugs throughout the Midwest." In March 2024, Noem said there were "some tribal leaders that I believe are personally benefiting from the cartels being there", but gave no evidence, and that there were people "who actually live in those situations, who call me and text me every day and say, 'Please, dear governor, please come help us in Pine Ridge. We are scared.” She added: "they live with 80% to 90% unemployment. Their kids don't have any hope. They don't have parents who show up and help them." - Wikipedia
All but two of the articles below and their supporting bibliography may be found here: Kristi Noem - Wikipedia
The Nutter on the Bus
On Tuesday, May 20th, while testifying before Congress, Grandma Noem defined “Habeas Corpus” - the constitutional right of all persons in the U.S. to challenge their detention by the government - as the president’s constitutional right to deport people. Her exact wording was: “Well, habeas corpus is a constitutional right that the President has to be able to remove people from this country and suspend their right to…” At that point, she was mercifully interrupted and corrected by Senator Maggie Hassan of New Hampshire, in an apparent attempt to not let Grandma Noem look any more uninformed than she already did. Senator Andy Kim of New Jersey then asked Grandma Noem if she knew in which article of the Constitution the guarantee of habeas corpus was found. Noem responded with “No, I do not.” It’s in Article I, which details the tasks and responsibilities of Congress - not the President.
It remains unclear if one or more of the 3,500 lawyers that work in DHS’ Office of the General Counsel (OGC) pre-briefed Grandma Noem on the basic tenents of the U.S. Constitution, or even if OGC has any lawyer qualified to do so.
For DHS OGC… The staff at USCoastGuard.net are pleased to see that you are suffering the karmic payback owed you. You are now free to break the law with even greater frequency.
DHS Tenure
One of Noem's first acts in office was to rescind an 18-month extension of temporary protected status for about 600,000 Venezuelans who had fled Nicolás Maduro's authoritarian regime. In March 2025, she revoked legal protections for 532,000 people from Cuba, Haiti, Nicaragua, and Venezuela who had settled in the U.S. since 2022.
In February 2025, CNN host Dana Bash interviewed Noem about the new administration's policies and the Department of Homeland Security, including the use of Guantanamo Bay to detain migrants, which Noem said would be temporary. Noem also told Bash that she was comfortable with the Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE) having access to sensitive data, saying that it was identifying waste, fraud, and abuse. She added, "information he [Elon Musk] has is looking at programs, not focusing on personal data and information."
In April 2025, The Washington Post reported that Noem and acting Social Security Administration commissioner Leland Dudek had instructed the Social Security Administration to falsely list over 6,000 living immigrants in its database of dead people. - Wikipedia
On Guns
In 2019, Noem signed a bill into law abolishing South Dakota's permit requirement to carry a concealed handgun. In 2022, she sought to build a gun range in Meade County with government funds, but the legislature rejected it.
At a 2023 NRA forum in Indiana, Noem said that her two-year-old granddaughter had a shotgun, a rifle, and a "little pony named Sparkles". - Wikipedia
“No Going Back”
(Noem, Kristi (2024). Nashville: Center Street. ISBN 978-1546008163.)
In April 2024, pre-release excerpts of Noem's second autobiography, No Going Back, received broad criticism and condemnation. In a chapter titled "Bad Day to Be a Goat", Noem recounted that she was entertaining regular guests to her family's hunting lodge, with the guests having their "final morning of hunting" before leaving. Noem brought Cricket, her family's 14-month-old female wirehaired pointer, along for this pheasant hunt, expecting Cricket to emulate the older, trained, dogs on the hunt. According to Noem, Cricket "ruined" the hunt". Noem concluded that Cricket was "dangerous" and "untrainable" and shot the dog dead in a gravel pit. After shooting the dog, Noem killed her family's male goat, which she said was "disgusting, musky, rancid".
Noem initially responded that "tough decisions like this happen all the time on a farm", and subsequently said the incident occurred 20 years ago, and that "the fake news ... put the worst spin" on the story, as Cricket was a "working dog" that "came to us from a family who had found her way too aggressive ... a responsible owner does what they need to do"
Noem also wrote that she met with North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un. Her spokesperson said the claim was an error and would be expunged from the book's future editions. Separately, Noem claimed in the book that she was once "slated to meet with French president Emmanuel Macron", but called off the meeting because he made a "very pro-Hamas and anti-Israel comment to the press"; the French government responded that it had neither invited Noem nor had any record of a scheduled meeting with her.
The Washington Post's literary critic Ron Charles wrote that the "description of Cricket's Last Stand is the one time in this howlingly dull book that Noem demonstrates any sense of setting, character, plot and emotional honesty. Otherwise, it's mostly a hodgepodge of worn chestnuts and conservative maxims". - Wikipedia
Governor's mansion spending
In May 2019, Noem proposed to build a fence around the governor's mansion, estimated to cost approximately $400,000, but retracted the proposal. In 2020, the 2019 project was revived; a senior Noem advisor told the media that the decision was based on the recommendations of Noem's security team. In late November 2021, it was reported that Noem spent $68,000 of taxpayer dollars on imported rugs from India, chandeliers and a sauna for the mansion. - Wikipedia
Conflict of interest action to benefit daughter
In 2020, after Noem's 26-year-old daughter was denied a real estate appraisal license, Noem summoned to her office a state employee who had directed South Dakota's Appraiser Certification Program for 30 years. Attendees included her daughter, Noem's chief of staff Tony Venhuizen, Department of Labor Attorney Amber Mulder and Labor Secretary Marcia Hultman.
By telephone, the group was joined by the governor's general counsel, Tom Hart, and a lawyer from the state's Department of Labor and Regulation, Graham Oey. A week later, Hultman demanded Bren's resignation. Bren repeatedly, but unsuccessfully, tried to resolve the issues short of resigning, eventually filing an age discrimination complaint. She received a $200,000 settlement as part of a nondisclosure agreement to withdraw her complaint and leave her position. Noem's spokesperson characterized the allegations as an example of how Noem cut through "bureaucratic red tape". - Wikipedia
